now I've done it

I've just submitted my application to pursue a PhD on the topic of 'Exploring mad knowledge through journaling.' I'm not sure if it will go anywhere, but I've taken the first step and that was scary enough.

How on earth did I get here? This time last year, I wasn't even aware of Mad Studies as an academic discipline. It was sometime last summer that my daughter forwarded me a Facebook ad for the Mad Studies MSc programme at Queen Margaret University. It grabbed my attention and spoke to me immediately. I've already done two master's degrees and so chasing a third one wasn't of interest – but I do like a challenge, so I enrolled as an Associate Student on the introductory module of the course in order to investigate, with a view to exploring a PhD.

Then the QMU PhD Bursary Competition was announced, with one of the bursary places assigned to the topic “Critically Exploring Madness Through Creativity.” Well there you go. I've spent nearly 40 years keeping journals and have more recently been running journaling workshops and using journaling as a coaching tool, so that's my own context in respect to the topic. Here's what I developed from that starting point:

This research aims to investigate journaling as an emancipatory creative practice with the potential to develop mad knowledge, engage with the mad voice and advance the emerging field of Mad Studies by growing its literature into domains that are currently dedicated to the mainstream model of mental health. The project will use the creative practice of journaling to explore, specifically, the experience of psychosis.

And here's a snippet from my personal statement, laying out how it fits my life at present:

I wish to pursue a PhD in Mad Studies, in order to deepen my learning and to contribute significantly and authoritatively to the discourse in this growing field. As a mature student, I aim to use the remaining two decades of my career to capitalise on my prior experience and to make an impact as a mad activist.... I intend to use the PhD to enhance and develop a professional practice based on mad scholarship and mad activism via writing, consultancy, coaching and workshop facilitation. A PhD will therefore be an invaluable asset and credential.

Something I find very appealing about Mad Studies is its openness to diverse perspectives and its unwillingness to position itself firmly within any single dogma. It is a very exploratory space, encouraging dialogue and inquiry about what may be learned from experiences and voices that are most commonly dismissed or psychiatrised.

If I've learned anything at all from my ventures into psychosis, it is that it brings tremendous value to the human story in which we find ourselves. Transformation is a painful and messy process, and may lead us into unwieldy and acute spaces that make no immediate sense but which ultimately bear fruit. So yes, bring on the mad voices, with all their challenges and inconsistencies and crazy messy wiley ways, bring them into the conversation about where and how we find ourselves in this world.

And meanwhile: wish me luck with my application!